25 Prayers of Christmas, Day 5

My computer was out of commission for the last 4 hours. With deadlines looming and a to-do list that all involved being online, this was not part of the plan.

Even after yesterday's prayer to not make mountains out of molehills, this initially seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen.

But then I remembered what it was like working in an office in Indiana during the winter. It seemed like we always lost our electricity at the most inconvenient of times. What do you do in an office without a computer? You clean, you organize, you go out with your girlfriends to get mani-pedis. And somehow, hours or days later when the electricity comes back on, you find yourself more relaxed, more focused, more able to conquer the tasks at hand.

So, instead of stressing away the day, I took the dogs for a walk, made myself a nice lunch, organized the kitchen cabinets, and watched a Hallmark movie. And now I'm coming back to my desk with not only a clean computer, but a mind clear of the clutter and stress that occupied it earlier this morning. And the inspiration for today's blog post. :)

Thank you Jesus for the reminder that every interruption is an opportunity.

25 Prayers of Christmas, Day 4

It's so easy for us to exaggerate and dramatize every little disaster in our lives. It's like we never grew out of those tantrums we threw as three-year-olds.

• The batteries ran out in my wireless keyboard and we don't have any double As in the house. Now I have to go the store. I'll NEVER get my work done.
• I planned the perfect dinner for my spouse but I forgot to buy tomatoes. Dinner is RUINED. 
• EVERYONE is out enjoying the beautiful weather today but I'm ALWAYS stuck inside with the laundry. 

Today, let us pray that we would keep things in their proper perspective. One mistake, one inconvenience, one setback, is NOT the end of the world!

25 Prayers of Christmas, Day 3

"For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

In these troubling times, when violence, tragedy and disaster seem all too common, Lord I pray that we would not become complacent or desensitized to these events. And yet, even as we recognize the severity of the troubles of this world, I am grateful that our trust is in you, the Prince of Peace.

25 Prayers of Christmas, Day 2

My prayer today is that we would remember this simple truth: people are important.

I have a ton of work on my plate right now, and I'm adding more daily. Yet I took the time to call my parents first thing this morning. Because they are important.

Randy does 99.99% of the cooking in our house. Today he began his busy season, catering holiday parties. So I had dinner in the crock pot when he came home, to give him a break from having to feed us. Nothing fancy, just something to show him I appreciate how hard he works to take care of our family. And that he is important.

Tomorrow I am taking my mother-in-law to the doctor because I don't want her to have to go alone. I want her to know that she is important.

I love to text my sister-in-law Jenn. She always replies, she always gets where I'm coming from, and she has a huge heart for her family and friends. She makes me feel important.

Christmas is that time of year when we get to focus on the things most important to us: family, friends, the birth of our Savior. And yet we can get so busy in the month of December that we might just find ourselves neglecting those things all month long, relegating the celebration to just a few hours on the 25th, justifying our negligence by saying that all the work, all the shopping, all the running around is necessary in order to make those few hours together perfect. But if we truly believe that people are important, we have to show it with our actions for more than just a few moments on a special day.

Father, in the midst of all the hustle and bustle, give us creative minds this December, help us see how we can show the people in our lives that they are important.

25 Prayers of Christmas, Day 1

On my Facebook page, I participated in the "30 Days of Thankfulness" throughout the month of November. Once you get in the routine of being thankful daily, and sharing that, it can seem very abrupt to simply end on December 1. Suddenly caught up in all the hype of lights and gifts and elves on shelves and snow.

So instead of simply ending, my plan is to transition into what I'm calling the "25 Prayers of Christmas," leading up to Christmas Day. This is also a great excuse to get back to blogging regularly, to serving God and you in this way, and to share what is on my heart. Here goes.

(Warning: Some of these will be intense, others seemingly inane, because I believe God wants to hear ALL of our prayers.)

DAY 1

(You can say "Dear God," if you want, but I like to get straight to it!)

I've noticed a trend lately among my friends, specifically those whose marriages have ended recently. This in itself breaks my heart. Having been there myself, I know the pain that comes with divorce, and the consequences of all the wrong choices you make in the process, which can take years to work through.

But I also see a common thread in these endings. They have all happened to couples who have children who are either sick or have severe behavioral issues. This can be a major strain on relationships. I know the pain that comes with that too, having ended an engagement after a miscarriage.

And yet, your spouse is the person God gave you to help you through that pain, that challenge. When we say "in sickness and in health" we don't just mean our own health, but that of our kids and our parents and others who God entrusts to us.

So today my prayer is not only for children to be made well, and for children to find the help they need to be overcomers, but for their parents to be strong in the Lord, to lean on one another instead of taking out their frustrations against one another, and that their marriages would be strengthened by these challenges instead of broken by them. And for all parents whose children are healthy, that a hedge would be put around them so that if the time comes when they do have to face this challenge, they will rise to it.

When Life Doesn't Make Sense

Since Randy and I have been together we've buried my 89-year-old grandmother, a 51-year-old friend, and our infant grandson.

Right before we got married, a man hired Randy to make meals for a family in his church when the husband/father in the family was given two months to live. The man ended up only living a few more days.

This week I've seen on Facebook that one of my teammates when I played high school softball lost her husband, the father of her four children, to suicide. The high school we attended is also mourning the loss of two current high school students, teenagers who lost their lives in a car accident.

Perhaps we can understand when someone dies just shy of their 90th birthday, but what about the 51-year-old personal trainer whose life has been spent working for children and family services? What about the young father? The teenagers who have their whole lives ahead of them? The infant whose arrival had been anticipated for 9 months with joy and love and expectation?

How do we make sense of life when tragedies like this happen? Can we? Are we even supposed to?

I recently heard a pastor point to John 10:10 when discussing this matter:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

This quote is from Jesus, therefore, this pastor said, only the things that bring life can we attribute to God. The things that bring death, therefore, are the work of the devil.

It makes sense if you look at the life of Job. Job who had everything taken from him -- his family, his career, his health. Scripture tells us that all those things were the work of Satan. But the Book of Job ends with God giving Job another spouse, more children, restored health, and even greater wealth and work. God is the giver of Life; Satan the author of destruction.

To me, looking at it from this perspective is helpful. When people say, "God needed another angel" I understand why people would be angry with God when their loved one dies. But if death is the work of the enemy, then I can determine not to let him win by stealing the life and the future out of me too.

But just because it's helpful for me to see death from this perspective, doesn't mean it will be comforting to everyone. One thing became very apparent to me at the funeral we attended most recently:

Not only do we each grieve in our own unique ways, but we are also comforted in our own unique ways.

When we arrived at Danny's funeral, his younger sister came up to us and dissolved into Randy's arms. Randy held her in her grief without a word. She took obvious relief in his embrace and was eventually able to share her feelings.

Danny's mother is a practicing Scientologist, so, during his funeral, there were some readings from the Christian Science manual by Mary Baker Eddy. It was obvious that these readings were of great comfort to the mother.

After the ceremony, Danny's older sister invited us to join her at her home to "tell stories". We did and all were able to laugh and celebrate and remember with fondness what an incredible man he was.

Randy and some of the other guys had been housemates with Danny and remembered drinking amaretto together, so we toasted a shot of amaretto in his memory.

I recently read of a young pastor who, early in his ministry, had a family in his church lose a young daughter. The pastor had a daughter near the same age. When he went to visit the family, he felt true compassion. He was unable to say a word; he simply put his arms around them and they cried together. Afterwards the family sent him a card that read, "Everything you said that day was perfect."

The family that we took meals to, the wife who lost her husband more quickly than expected, shared that, after not eating for months, her husband insisted on eating the food that we had brought. It was their last meal as a family, a final memory of a "normal" moment shared together.

So you see, what one person needs may be the opposite of what someone else needs. How one person processes loss may be completely different than how another person does.

I don't have any easy answers for how we deal with loss, or a tried and true method for comforting those who mourn.

But I can say that none of us escapes the heartache of loss. Some experience more tragic loss in more tragic ways than others, but none of us escapes it entirely. Loss is a common bond that joins us together in compassion and community.

May we honor one another by allowing grief to be expressed in multiple forms and to listen for ways that we can be of comfort.

#FacebookFail

I started the day with a text message from one of my best friends: "OMG... I just saw Facebook. Are you okay???"

I did a mental check. Wondered if I had posted something the night before when I was tired that could be misconstrued. We had gotten ourselves into a precarious situation the day before when hiking, but I was pretty sure I'd kept that bit of information to myself. Finally I opened Facebook and saw the culprit.

It wasn't something I had posted, but something someone else had posted on my wall. It was the worst of all possible things someone could have posted. And even though I didn't believe it for a second, it still took my breath away:

"Wanted to send support to you over the loss of your mother."

It had been a week since I'd talked to my parents, but there was no possible way I would find out something so devastating as this on Facebook of all places. Yes, my father would be wrecked, but he would still find it in himself to make that horrible phone call.

My gut reaction was to reply to the comment and ask if he'd meant my GRANDmother who passed away in early summer. And then to say that this is how rumors are started and you need to get your facts straight. But that tiny seed of fear had been planted. And I had to call to be sure.

Of course no one answered the home phone. And that tiny seed began to take root. But when I called my mom's cell she picked up right away. "I just called to make sure you are alive," I said. "Yep, I'm alive," she answered cheerfully. And I breathed a sigh of relief.

While my situation turned out to be a misunderstanding, there are people who have learned devastating news about loved ones in equally impersonal and public ways. I didn't confront the person who made this post, knowing that it wasn't malicious, but it did make me pause and think about how we use social media and how we can use it better.

First of all, it would be wise to let the family make the first mention of the loss. Once that person has made the information public, then feel free to offer condolences in the comment section. Second, make sure you have your facts straight, including what this person's relationship was to the deceased. Third, make use of Facebook Messenger to send a private message. If you are making a public statement just so everyone else can see it, then your motives are wrong.

And finally, if you have a way of contacting your friend/loved one outside of social media, do it. One of Randy's best friends from high school passed away this week and he's been on the phone ever since. Not checking Facebook for updates, but making actual phone calls to family and friends. Offering condolences and breaking the news in a more personal way than a text or a post.

Facebook is a wonderful service when it is used to keep in contact with family and friends, but we are responsible for using it wisely.