Whatever is true, honorable, right, pure, and lovely...

We rented a movie last night. One we had seen previewed on pretty much every movie we have seen in the last two weeks.

The previews didn't tell us much about what to expect, other than it involved parents navigating appropriate boundaries for their teenagers when it came to things like texting, social media, the Internet and video games.

Which sounds like a movie that could be helpful for just about anyone. Whether you have kids or not. Since many of us adults are as addicted to technology as teenagers.

The movie started out interesting, showing the extremes of how families deal. From obsessively monitoring teenagers phones and computers, to encouraging them to promote themselves online, to feeling completely helpless.

But it soon spiraled into something else entirely. Graphic indiscretion after indiscretion. Mostly on the part of the adults.

This isn't anything new. Nothing we haven't seen in the media before. But I sensed in my spirit that it wasn't something I wanted to watch any longer.

Philippians 4:8 says, 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

There was nothing lovely or admirable about the lies and infidelities and addictions in this movie. And even though it was just a movie, I didn't want any of those things anywhere near my relationship, my thoughts, or my heart.

At the same time, I think this is a personal choice. I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all list of what is true, noble, and right. Some people can handle more than I can without being affected by it. And some can handle less. We simply need to be attentive to that feeling in our gut which tells us when it is okay to finish watching the movie, and when we need to turn it off.

Honor thy Mother and Father...

Yesterday we spent the afternoon with Randy's mom. Helping pack up her California home. The night before, while watching Jeopardy in our living room, we had put together a rack so she could transport her scooter on the back of her car.

Meanwhile, my mother is in Arkansas with her mother, sorting and packing. Grandma has decided she is ready to make the move to Ohio, and wants to do so while she is still in good health.

We are lucky that Randy's mom and my grandmother are still so independent and in such good health at 80 years of age!

One of the ways we serve God is by honoring our mothers and fathers.

There are many ways we can honor our parents, but the way I see it playing out this week is by accepting and adapting to our changing roles. When we are young, our parents care for us. As we grow up, we relate more on the level of mutual respect. And as our parents age, we become willing to do everything for them that they so selflessly did for us.

The Most Important 5 Minutes of My Day

One of the best ways I know to serve God is to spend time with God. Intentional time. Just me and God. In prayer. Reading the Bible. Singing praise. Walking and talking and listening... however God leads me.

My job requires me to read Bible verses every day. To read about God every day. But this isn't the same as spending intentional time with God every day.

Yes, God is with me while I work. Yes, I am learning more about Him every day as I work. Yes, this is the sphere of influence He has called me to.

But if this is the only time I'm spending with God then I'm shortchanging Him myself.

God deserves my undivided attention if our relationship is ever going to grow. If I'm ever going to grow.

Imagine if you only ever talked to your spouse while you were checking your Facebook page, or typing up invoices, or putting dishes away and yelling at the kids to finish their homework. Your relationship wouldn't grow to where you want it to go.

The same is true for my relationship with God.

Even while I'm typing this, I'm tempted to be distracted by Randy and our to-do list for the day. It feels incredibly selfish to ask, "Can I just have 5 minutes alone with God first?" But this is important. In fact, it should be the most important 5 minutes of my day if I'm truly committed to serving God.

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...

I thought I would have figured it out by now.

How to serve.

This word came so easily to me. So naturally. I knew, without a doubt, it was my word of the year.

But I thought I would have figured out by now how to do it, live it. That it would already be shaping and altering my life.

But so far it hasn't.

So I decided to go to the place that, for me, always holds the answers.

The Bible.

The word "serve" appears a couple hundred times in Scripture. And it's context varies from "serving in the army" and "serving as priests" to "serving bread" and "serving the master".

But as I explored the various verses I seemed to hone in on the ones that talked about serving God.

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve ... But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money. Matthew 6:24

Your task is to single-mindedly serve Christ. Romans 14:18

What if I have been going about this all wrong? Trying to serve others, when God is the one I should be serving. Putting first. And out of that be inspired to love and serve others. The way God would love and serve them. The way God is calling me to serve.

It's easy to say I love God, but what if I proved it by serving Him above all else?

One Thing

We live across the street from one of the cleanest parks I've ever seen.

While this is a good thing, I found it a little disappointing in regards to my "year to serve". I thought for sure that living across the street from a public park would provide daily opportunities to pick up trash, etc.

For weeks Jovi and I walked the trails with no signs of trash. And then, one day, a half empty can of beer appeared! Excited about my find, I checked to make sure no cops were in sight (I didn't want to get caught with an open container!) and quickly picked up the can and threw it away in one of the nearby trash cans.

That's when I started to notice how many trash cans are in this small park. Tons!

Another week passed and then one day we came across another piece of trash, picked it up, and again threw it away in a nearby trash can.

It dawned on me that even though I wasn't doing a major clean up of the park, I was helping to keep it clean by picking up the one piece of trash in my path. And that maybe the reason it was so clean was that others were doing the same thing. Just one piece of trash, once a week or so, whenever one crossed their path. Which was made all the easier by so many convenient trash cans.

Maybe that's what serving is. Not waiting for some giant undertaking. But simply doing the one thing right in front of you.

One Size Does Not Fit All

Randy and I have very different feet.

On the outside our shoes may look very similar. We even wear close to the same size.

But on the inside our differences are obvious: he has high arches, and mine are low. So when it comes to buying inserts for our shoes, one size definitely does not fit all.

I think the same is true of serving.

Before adopting this as my word of the year, I assumed I knew what it looked like to serve. That it would be obvious to see and therefore obvious to do.

But with each passing day I am discovering that there is no "one size fits all" kind of serving. Especially if we are being intentional about serving in the manner that God calls us individually to serve.

Because I do believe God calls us each to serve.

But the way I'm called to serve is not going to be the same way you are called to serve.

I think this also frees us up to say "no" to serving when it isn't something we feel led to do. (Which is different than not doing something because you don't want to do it.) Because if we served every time and every way that was presented to us we'd burn out quickly and become resentful of everyone who asked something of us.

So... We should be quick to say yes to the things we are led to do, but not feel obligated to say yes to the things we aren't. Because we are each called according to his purpose for us.

No Longer Serves

What word do you yell when jumping into a swimming pool holding both of your knees to your chest?

Cannonball! 

Right?

Image courtesy of Cannonball Wine Company :)

Well, I had a dream last night that Randy wanted to change the word "cannonball" to "Cuban Missile Crisis" because he didn't think kids these days would know what a cannonball was. (As if they would know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was?!) And if they didn't know what a cannonball was, the word no longer served its purpose. 

In my dream his logic made perfect sense. And I woke up thinking: 

How many words/things/relationships do I have in my life that no longer serve me?

Words:

Words are very powerful, in both positive and negative ways. If I repeatedly call myself lazy, I am going to respond by being lazy. If I repeatedly say that I am sick, I'm not going to start feeling better. If I say that I worry too much or won't get the job, I am not serving myself well. And the opposite is also true. If I say that I am blessed or getting better or can't wait to learn something new, I will be more positive and open to whatever comes my way.

Things:

Lately I've been surrounded by people who are sorting through their "stuff". I did so while in Ohio earlier this month, making piles to give away, piles to throw away, piles to bring home to California, and piles to store. My grandma is in this same process as she prepares to move from Arkansas to Ohio. And this week Randy went through the same process as he prepares to have a garage sale next weekend.

Relationships:

And as far as relationships go, we all know that not all relationships are meant to last forever. These relationships could involve work or friends or family or romantic interests. Many are seasonal, many we outgrow. Some serve us well for a time being and others never served us at all. Some grow out of casual acquaintances into meaningful relationships over time. And others have to end because we are growing in different directions.

In all these ways, this question feels like an important one for me to carry this year: 

What in my life no longer serves?

Prepared to Serve

This morning was all about Camino preparation.

We found ourselves at our local REI, filling backpacks full of weights to see what felt good and fit right for our upcoming journey. (You might remember that I burned not only my hiking boots in Finisterre, but also my pack which I'd had since Christina and I spent the summer of 2000 at the Grand Canyon.)

We also picked out some new socks to try out during our preparation hikes, which I'm convinced are the key to an enjoyable Camino. (Nothing but toe socks for me! For our prep hikes I'm trying compression toe socks for the first time!)

Last year I made all of my purchases blind and alone. But this year I get to do so with Randy and nearly 800 kilometers under my belt.

As we were going about our shopping I couldn't help but think how awesome God is. That God knew my word of 2015 would be "serve" long before I did. Even before he placed Randy in my path. 

The moment we met! March 5, 2014, St. Jean Pied de Port, France.

Randy, a man whose career as a caterer is built on serving others. A man whose commitment to serving everyone in his path impressed me all 35 days that we walked together last Spring. A man who served me and allowed me to serve him, through caring for our blisters and shoulders and laundry, inviting each other to laugh and cry and receive all that the Camino had to offer.

We've been talking about our hopes for this year's Camino. Which of course will include serving others.

Healthy Choices

Plenty of people make New Years Resolutions regarding their health. Whether it be to exercise more, eat healthier, lose weight, run a marathon, or walk across Spain.

Typically we read about how 50 percent of people will fall off the wagon by the end of January, and 90 percent will quit altogether by the first of March.

But even if our willpower doesn't make it past 60 days, I still think committing to your health is important. And I, as much as anyone, need reminded that even if I go on a Fat Tuesday binge, I can still get up on Ash Wednesday and try again to make healthier choices.

Part of my ability to "serve" well this year is to take care of the instrument God gave me to carry out this work. The healthier, stronger, more active I am, the better I am able to do and be who and what is asked of me. 

I admittedly haven't done well at taking care of myself in this regard since I left Spain last May with a broken foot. At first I had to rest and "be more quiet". But even after the doctor gave the okay to run about my normal activities, I continued to "take it easy" (which is really just code for being inactive, isn't it?). I was also traveling so much, back and forth to California, that it was easy to justify my poor food choices. And then the holidays hit and we all know that "delicious holiday feasts" don't come in the form of dry salads and abstaining from desserts.

But now, especially with our return trip to Spain just two months away and my desire to serve well this year, I am going to do my best, with God's help, to be more active and make healthier food choices.

I am blessed that Randy is on board with this. And it really is more fun to do together. Starting with the 3-months of unlimited roller skating he got us for Christmas!

An Unnatural Servant

I realized over the weekend that "serving" does not come naturally to me.

As I was thinking about being an unnatural servant, and searching for inspiration to help me, I came across a quote, for those of us who choose "one word" to guide us for the year:

I realize that it is a journey of learning, not a task to accomplish.

I believe this is true. That I will learn much over the course of this year, about serving and about how God has called me to serve. And that this learning is more important than checking it off my list every day.

BUT. I also believe that, especially at the start of this year, I am going to have to be intentional about serving if it is ever going to become a lifestyle. In these first days/weeks/months, I might have to put "serve" on my daily task list if it is actually going to happen. And that's okay.

Through this realization I also decided that it is important that I don't beat myself up when I fail to serve. Especially at the beginning when I don't even know what this word looks like yet in daily practice. (Could it be that I am actually better at serving than I think? I just don't know it yet?)

Instead, I can encourage myself with the idea that, in the months ahead serving will become more natural to me. And even if it doesn't, I will at least learn something from my one word this year.

An Impression

"This might sound weird, but were you on my earlier flight too?" the flight attendant asked Randy and me. We told her yes, we had been. "I can forget people from the time they board the plane until before they reach their seats," she said, "but I remember the two of you."

I don't know what it was about us that was so memorable. Maybe we looked like someone she knew. Maybe it was the "newlywed" vibe we carry or Randy's Dallas Cowboys jersey. Whatever it was, it made us stick out in her mind.

We never know when we will leave an impression on someone, but we do have a hand in what kind of impression we will make. As I think about the impression I want to leave this year, it is all tied to my word of the year: I want to be seen as one who serves.

From Chaos to a Compliment

Airports require lots of flexibility.

Last week, the first leg of our flight was cancelled a full day before we were scheduled to leave Sacramento, due to the weather in Denver. 

And yesterday the second leg of our flight was delayed because a dog went to the bathroom all over the back of the plane and they had to have the carpets cleaned before we could board. The flight attendants said the dog's owners just made it worse by trying to clean it up on their own.

But that was a minor disturbance compared to what nearly happened when we finally found ourselves ready to board.

There were lots of children, of all ages, on our flight, and many of them had grown restless waiting. While in the narrow hallway of the jet bridge, a man who happened to be standing right behind us chose to tell the father of a couple of these children that "it's called parenting."

A verbal exchange ensued between the men, who were ready to take their "conversation" to the next level. Several other passengers became involved, adding their own opinions about how to keep the kids quiet and the appropriateness (or inappropriateness) of smacking your kids across the mouth.

The rest of us stood uncomfortably nearby.

Up to this point the commotion was all directly behind us, but I could sense that the people in front of us were considering weighing in on the disruption, which would have put Randy and I right in the middle of it all.

Before that could happen I awkwardly said to the woman directly in front of us, "I like your ring."

She looked down at her empty right hand and looked back up at me. I pointed to her left hand and she looked down again.

"My friend, she spoils me," the woman said hesitantly, seemingly having trouble transitioning from the chaos to a compliment. And then she continued, "We live next door to each other. Our husbands knew each other in high school. Isn't that wild? I guess it makes sense though. My town is so small that all you have to do is put my first name on an envelope and I'll get it. Bonnie. Just write Bonnie and my town and they will deliver it to me. But make sure you write the town. Otherwise it will go to a Bonnie somewhere else."

She became more animated as she talked. And one by one the people around us stopped arguing, stopped gawking at those arguing, and slowly made their way peacefully on to the plane. Miraculously there were no other disturbances on the 3 hour flight home, not from the children, their parents, or those interested in "parenting".

Sometimes the best way to serve in a situation like this is to offer up a distraction. A compliment, a question, just something to give people a moment or a breath, a chance to redirect.

 

Not Too Much to Ask

Randy and I took a road trip to Indiana last week to have lunch with our friend Angie. Angie is one of the funniest, sweetest, most caring and encouraging women I know. She was one of the first friends I made after moving to Indiana in 2006. She and Randy have a special bond, too, ever since he called her one night from Spain after we'd polished off a bottle of wine!

As we were placing our order, Angie made a couple of requests of our server. Things like "no tomatoes" and "soup instead of fries".

"I'm sorry to be so high maintenance," she told the server.

He quickly assured her that she was not high maintenance. That he would be happy to accommodate her requests. (Which, he added, were simple compared to what he got from most customers.)

It reminded me that, while I focus on serving this year, it is key to make others feel like their needs are not too much to ask. That they are valid, and I am happy to accommodate when and where I can.

Taking the Time to Connect

It is 12 degrees in Ohio and Randy is choosing to spend the day outside on the farm with my dad. Dad doesn’t necessarily need Randy’s help, but Randy wanted to spend the day with him anyway. In fact, Randy has spent 3 of our 7 “vacation days” working alongside my father. Telling stories, understanding the rhythm of the farm, and learning more about corn yields and moisture percentages and other farmer talk. 

"Serving", I am already learning, is not necessarily the same as doing or even helping. Serving can mean being present, wanting to understand others and their lives, and taking the time to connect. 

A Day With Grandma

Today I took my grandma to the retirement village in Wilmington, Ohio, where she will soon be moving from her home in Arkansas. We toured the facility, took measurements of her new home, explored color options, and had lunch in the dining room.

It felt like I was the perfect person to do this, since I've just moved from Ohio to California and have a fresh understanding of how overwhelming moving can be. There is so much to think about and remember that it is hard to keep everything clear and straight in your mind. Especially when you are trying to organize your life in two different places -- when there is stuff to do here but also stuff to do there. And, in her case, 20 years worth of living in Arkansas to organize.

Serving my grandma feels easy and natural. We have always had a special relationship, which was deepened when I lived with her for a year in my early 20s. I inherited her creativity in the arts, affection for Spain, independent spirit, and desire to love and serve our partners well.

Sometimes I think "to serve" means it has to be hard, or feel unnatural. But just because it was easy for me to visit her new home with her, doesn't mean it wasn't deeply appreciated. I know she will leave for home in Arkansas on Wednesday feeling better about where home in Ohio will be next month.

How to Read the Bible, Through the Eyes of a Child

On New Year's Eve we flew east to spend a week with our Ohio family.

We gave the kids (my nieces and nephew) their Christmas presents on New Year's Day, which included a daily devotional Bible for each one.

Kasen, at age 8, sat down and read to himself that day’s story of how God created the heavens and the earth, the sea and all the fish in it, the stars and the moon and all the land animals.

Tessa immediately asked me to read from her book. After we finished page 1, she asked me to read page 2. I said that wasn’t the point. The point was to read one page each day so that you would be better able to remember that day’s story. And then tomorrow we could read page 2. And each day she could read a new page and then next New Year’s Eve she would have read the whole book. She turned to the last page and asked if we could at least read that one tonight. And so we did.

Then Kenzi asked to be read to out of her book. As we read about how God created the heavens and the earth she asked, “Why can’t anyone see God?” I told her that people used to be able to see God, but not anymore. Now we can’t see him until we go to heaven. When we got to the part about how God created light and darkness she asked, “How did he make them?” I told her he thought about what he wanted to make and then he just whispered that name, like “sun” or “nighttime”, and then there it was. She said, “I think when he whispered it, he also used a paintbrush to make all those things.” I told her that God made all the colors too, so a paintbrush made sense to me.

Kaylee, ever the organized one, took her book to her room to find a home for it, a place all its own.

Tysen carefully rewrapped her present and placed it under the Christmas tree. “When I wake up tomorrow,” she said, “I will be so surprised!”

This might have been my favorite response of all, reminding me that each day I get to open God’s word like it is brand new, brimming with untold revelations meant just for me. What a gift!

Kari, these kids’ momma, told me that through these gifts I had served their family well.

Word of the Year

Last year it took me all of January to discern my “word of the year”, to figure out where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be in 2014.

But this year I’ve been ruminating on the same word for months: “SERVE”.

It started in early November when Randy gave a homeless man his Dallas Cowboys jacket, shortly after we’d been to the stadium for a football game. And I began to think about transforming my good heart into good deeds.

During that same trip—our cross country adventure moving me from Ohio to California—we had my dog Jovi with me, which meant that we were always looking for “pet friendly” accommodations. Many hotels accepted pets, some even claimed to be “award-winning” pet lovers, but in reality not all of them served us well. Some of these pet friendly hotels didn’t even have grass (real or artificial), expecting her to go to the bathroom in the parking lot (which isn’t friendly to guests with or without pets!). Others, however, had dog treats at the registration desk, specific pet walking areas, doggie bags and trashcans handy. One even had a specific floor of the hotel reserved for people with pets (though we still had to use the elevator to get there, which Jovi wasn’t a huge fan of). So I started to take notice of the fact that, in order to serve others well we need to know what the real needs are, otherwise our good intentions can fall short.

Later in November, once we were all settled in California, I had an interesting conversation with Randy’s brother’s fiancée, which was the final push toward adopting “SERVE” as my word of 2015. She said that her New Year’s Resolution for 2014 had been to “do something nice once a month”. Something above and beyond her normal, everyday niceness. To go out of her way for someone in need. This ranged from paying for someone’s meal at a restaurant to donating food to a family in need at the holidays to running a half marathon in which the registration fees went to support a local shelter. She didn’t feel she was very good at it, however. Often waiting until the end of the month to do her good deed, or feeling she lacked creativity in her desire to do something different each month. And so this will continue to be her New Year’s Resolution through 2015 as she tries to “do nice better”.

The most common feedback I received in 2013 when I took on “EMBRACE” as my word of the year was that I could find meaning and connection in the ordinary and daily, and that this was a powerful gift to have. So I started to wonder if I could find a way to serve others, in big and small ways, in new and ordinary ways, every single day.

What would daily life look like through the lens of a servant's heart?

When Christmas rolled around and we were having dinner with our California family, we each took turns going around the table saying what we wanted to focus on in the New Year. And for the first time I said it out loud: “In 2015 I want to serve.”