From a Chance Encounter to a Surprise Wedding!

The evolution of my relationship with Randy has been unexpected and unusual, at least for a girl with Midwestern values.

We met 19 months ago today on a tiny street in the southwest of France, and out of necessity spent our first night together in a tent. Over the course of the next 23 days we became more than walking partners – we became best friends, confidantes, and eventually fell in love.

On day 22 we met the mayor of Grañón, Spain. He offered to marry us in the town square the next morning at 8 a.m. But as we often did on the Camino, we overslept. We walked to the town of Rabé de las Calzadas that day, where we had a communal dinner over which we became best friends with our bunk mates. They quickly saw the value of our relationship and desire to make a commitment to one another and we all stood together as Randy and I made our vows to one another.

Over the course of the next 6 months, we had what you might call a “courtship,” dividing our time between California and Ohio, getting to know one another’s families and a sense of what real life might be like together. At the end of those 6 months, I packed up my house and my dog Jovi, and Randy and I spent the next 3 weeks visiting family all the way to California.

Four months later we returned to the Camino, to walk the final 300 kilometers together. But our first stop was that tiny street in southwest France where we first met. It was there that Randy got down on one knee and presented me with a ring he had designed special for me, a ring he had asked my parents’ permission to give to me. And I said yes.

I should clarify – I said yes to Randy, but I did not say yes to a wedding. We determined that once I was ready for wedding talk, I would propose to him!

Five months later, on August 29, I got down on one knee in our living room and, with a bread tie from a loaf of wonder bread in my hand, asked Randy to marry me. And he said yes!

Did you get all that?

• 19 months ago – we met
• 18 months ago – we said our vows
• 11 months ago – we moved in together
• 5 months ago – Randy proposed to me
• 1 month ago – I proposed to Randy

Do you see what I mean by the “unusual” order of things!

But the fun doesn't stop there! On August 29, when I proposed to Randy, I told him I thought it would be amazing to get married on September 29, because it was 18 months to the day that we said our vows in Spain. That way we could celebrate our wedding anniversary every 6 months! Plus it was a Tuesday and we’d always said if we were ever going to get married again it would be in the middle of the week.

He laughed at me and we went on about our lives. We traveled separately to Anaheim for work. We traveled together to Oregon for vacation. We spent a day in San Francisco. My brother came to visit from Texas. We went to a baseball game, took on the care of my mother-in-law's dog... Every day an adventure!

But little did I know that he was plotting and planning the perfect wedding for me!

On September 28 at 4 p.m., Randy gave me a note that said “Tomorrow at noon will you come to the old Auburn courthouse and marry me??” And this time, without any hesitation, I said “yes!”

From there we delivered a week’s worth of meals to a family in need, and then went to Nordstroms to buy our wedding attire. The next morning we went to the nail salon for mani/pedis, went to the county office to secure our marriage license, and made it to the old courthouse with 20 minutes to spare!

Randy’s entire family and a couple of our friends were there to meet us and my heart was so full! We met briefly with the judge, another family friend, who was to marry us and he said, “Do you want to get married in the courtroom or outside?” Randy said he’d been told that it was a 6-month process to get married outside so he assumed we’d be in the courtroom. The judge gave us a wink and outside we went!

Which is how we ended up getting married in the most beautiful outdoor wedding, surrounded by friends and family, on September 29! 

Inside Out

Last night we went to see "Inside Out". There were less than a handful of children in the packed theater. This "kids movie" is definitely not just for kids.

In short, it is about a family that move from Nebraska to California and all of the emotions that go along with a move, changing jobs and schools and friends and homes.

Feelings are confusing. Especially when you experience more than one at a time. Excitement about new experiences; fear that you won't make new friends; anger when things don't go according to plan; sadness at all that you have to leave behind in order to do the new thing that still -- in the midst of your sadness and anger and fear -- excites you.

For the first time, Pixar tells us we can have all these emotions at once, that it is normal, even preferred. That joy, in fact, is not always the best emotion for our circumstances.

But there are still lots of reasons why we don't want to be honest about our feelings.

When I first moved to California, it was the holiday season and Randy had to work long hours. I didn't want to tell him that I was angry or afraid or sad that I never got to see him, because I was afraid he would think I regretted my choice to move here or that I was unwilling to accept the fact that his catering schedule fluctuates with the season. I was overjoyed to be here, but lots of other emotions too.

We all know people whose lives appear "perfect" on social media, because they are afraid if they show even a hint of sadness or anger or fear that their whole castle will crumble. But this tends to make us think they aren't in need of our prayers and so we are less likely to reach out to them.

Others are afraid to show any signs of joy when they are going through a trial, because we aren't supposed to have happy days when we are in the midst of a divorce, a loved one just died, or some other tragedy. We don't want to appear shallow, like we don't care about the heartache, and so we force ourselves to wait the "appropriate" amount of time before we start to admit there are moments of joy in every day.  

We could go on and on with examples, but the truth is, it's not healthy to live in only one emotion. To always be angry, or always be afraid, or always be sad, or even to always be happy. And it's not good to pretend to the world that we are only one way all the time.

My big takeaway from the movie is that we have to be honest about our feelings. And we have to let others be honest about their feelings. We can't serve one another without being honest.

Honor thy Mother and Father...

Yesterday we spent the afternoon with Randy's mom. Helping pack up her California home. The night before, while watching Jeopardy in our living room, we had put together a rack so she could transport her scooter on the back of her car.

Meanwhile, my mother is in Arkansas with her mother, sorting and packing. Grandma has decided she is ready to make the move to Ohio, and wants to do so while she is still in good health.

We are lucky that Randy's mom and my grandmother are still so independent and in such good health at 80 years of age!

One of the ways we serve God is by honoring our mothers and fathers.

There are many ways we can honor our parents, but the way I see it playing out this week is by accepting and adapting to our changing roles. When we are young, our parents care for us. As we grow up, we relate more on the level of mutual respect. And as our parents age, we become willing to do everything for them that they so selflessly did for us.

No Longer Serves

What word do you yell when jumping into a swimming pool holding both of your knees to your chest?

Cannonball! 

Right?

Image courtesy of Cannonball Wine Company :)

Well, I had a dream last night that Randy wanted to change the word "cannonball" to "Cuban Missile Crisis" because he didn't think kids these days would know what a cannonball was. (As if they would know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was?!) And if they didn't know what a cannonball was, the word no longer served its purpose. 

In my dream his logic made perfect sense. And I woke up thinking: 

How many words/things/relationships do I have in my life that no longer serve me?

Words:

Words are very powerful, in both positive and negative ways. If I repeatedly call myself lazy, I am going to respond by being lazy. If I repeatedly say that I am sick, I'm not going to start feeling better. If I say that I worry too much or won't get the job, I am not serving myself well. And the opposite is also true. If I say that I am blessed or getting better or can't wait to learn something new, I will be more positive and open to whatever comes my way.

Things:

Lately I've been surrounded by people who are sorting through their "stuff". I did so while in Ohio earlier this month, making piles to give away, piles to throw away, piles to bring home to California, and piles to store. My grandma is in this same process as she prepares to move from Arkansas to Ohio. And this week Randy went through the same process as he prepares to have a garage sale next weekend.

Relationships:

And as far as relationships go, we all know that not all relationships are meant to last forever. These relationships could involve work or friends or family or romantic interests. Many are seasonal, many we outgrow. Some serve us well for a time being and others never served us at all. Some grow out of casual acquaintances into meaningful relationships over time. And others have to end because we are growing in different directions.

In all these ways, this question feels like an important one for me to carry this year: 

What in my life no longer serves?

A Day With Grandma

Today I took my grandma to the retirement village in Wilmington, Ohio, where she will soon be moving from her home in Arkansas. We toured the facility, took measurements of her new home, explored color options, and had lunch in the dining room.

It felt like I was the perfect person to do this, since I've just moved from Ohio to California and have a fresh understanding of how overwhelming moving can be. There is so much to think about and remember that it is hard to keep everything clear and straight in your mind. Especially when you are trying to organize your life in two different places -- when there is stuff to do here but also stuff to do there. And, in her case, 20 years worth of living in Arkansas to organize.

Serving my grandma feels easy and natural. We have always had a special relationship, which was deepened when I lived with her for a year in my early 20s. I inherited her creativity in the arts, affection for Spain, independent spirit, and desire to love and serve our partners well.

Sometimes I think "to serve" means it has to be hard, or feel unnatural. But just because it was easy for me to visit her new home with her, doesn't mean it wasn't deeply appreciated. I know she will leave for home in Arkansas on Wednesday feeling better about where home in Ohio will be next month.