Monday, September 7, 2015

"Making Time" for What's Important

Randy and I are very lucky. We get to spend tons of time with each other. We never have to "make time" because there is always time. Sure, he has 20 hour work days, but this time a year those don't happen more than once or twice a week. And I always have writing to do, but 6 hours of intense mental work is really the maximum my brain can do in a day. Which means on average we have 8 or more waking hours a day with each other.

Some of you would love to have that kind of time. Others would probably go nuts. But we cherish it. Maybe because our relationship has always been that way -- our first month together spending 24/7 walking and talking and eating and drinking and deciding who gets the top bunk and who gets the bottom.


But last week we were faced with the dilemma that most couples face -- having to "make time" for each other because our schedules were so jam-packed.

My brother was in town from Texas for work and arranged his schedule so he could stay with us for a few days. We had the most amazing time! Visiting museums, panning for gold, trying out new restaurants, introducing him to our local brewery, and ending each evening with a game of Parcheesi.


He stayed with us from Sunday to Wednesday, and then on Thursday I hopped on a plane and headed south to Newport Beach for two days of working and walking on the sand. I came home late Friday night and Randy had to get up early Saturday morning to cater a wedding. And then on Sunday he had to do wedding clean up and I had to meet my weekly writing deadline.

On paper there was no time for us to be together, just the two of us. And we could have easily said, 'no big deal, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled 8 hours a day together next week.' But we don't want to get into that kind of habit.

So, on Wednesday, when we took my brother to San Francisco in the morning to catch his flight home, we decided to stay in the city for the day. We wanted to give all of our attention to my brother's visit, and we hadn't worked the entire time that he was here. So there was plenty of work to go home to, but we decided it could wait another day. "We" were more important.


The decision was a fairly easy one to make initially, but it was harder to stick to when suddenly a deadline was breathing down my neck. While we were standing on Pier 39, listening to the sea lions bark, my supervisor emailed me asking if I could turn my work in on Friday instead of Sunday (the downside to email alerts on your smartphone!). The only way that would happen was for us to get in the car right then and head home. So for the first time in my 3 years of working with him I said "no." His response? "Okay. Sunday will be fine." How about that! No disappoint, no manipulation, no love lost. And Randy and I went on to enjoy our day together in San Francisco.


The next morning it was Randy's turn to have to choose between us and work. He wanted to take me to the airport even though he had a busy day of wedding prep. Tables and chairs and a dance floor were scheduled to be delivered to the wedding site and he planned on being there to receive it. They were supposed to come late morning, but moments before we were going to leave for the airport they called and said, "we'll be there in 5 minutes."

I told Randy I understood if he needed to go and I was fine to drive myself to the airport and leave the car there. I was only going to be gone for one night after all. "No," he said. "I want to drive you; I told you I would drive you, and I'm going to drive you." And he did.

While I am very happy to go back to our 8 hours a day together and not having to "make time" for our relationship, I'm glad that we were faced with this challenge and were able to show one another that our relationship really does come first.

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