Mixed Emotions

As our countdown to departure goes from days to hours, the reality of our return trip to Spain is beginning to set in. Along with that comes a myriad of emotions. And not all of them good.

We are so excited for so many things. Being outdoors all day. Being together all day every day without the worries of work and responsibility and people who need things from us. Simple living. Few decisions to make. Seeing beautiful sights and meeting beautiful people. Eating delicious food and drinking delicious drinks. Returning to the place where we met, where we fell in love with the land, the Camino, and one another.

The joys are easy to remember. And when you are removed from the place and the situation it is easy to idealize the experience. To see it through rose colored glasses, if you will.

But as we near the reality of it, we also remember the challenges. The difficulty of getting up every morning and walking, whether you feel like it or not. The pain of blisters and bruises, broken feet and isolation. The sadness of saying goodbye to friends you've made along the way. The indifference we felt upon reaching our final destination. And how difficult it was to return home.

I've been especially anxious about the isolation I felt after I broke my foot and had to rest. I didn't feel I could relate to the other pilgrims. And I worry that there may be some of that this time around, since we'll be starting in Leon with just 300 km to walk, instead of St. Jean with 800 km like so many others. 

Isolation has definitely not been an emotion that I have connected with the Camino in the last year, since returning to the U.S. But I don't think it is an accident that it has come up for me before leaving. I think God gives us these insights to prepare us for what is to come. Perhaps there will be moments of feeling this way. Or maybe this time my job is to look for others to serve, who are experiencing something similar, in order to be a point of connection and comfort for them. Time will tell!

Buen Camino!