Enough

Serving God is no easy business.

Serving God is about becoming more like Him. Being transformed into His image and likeness. In word and deed.

Serving God is about God preparing us to be image bearers in the world. So that when we go out to serve others we don't completely screw it up by being nothing like Him.

Because I do believe that God has called me to serve Him this year because He is preparing me to serve in the world.

Which means dealing with and letting go of all the things in me that aren't of Him.

One of the things that I have discovered about myself recently--the current thing God and I are working on letting go of--is that I have a "scarcity" mentality. Which means in my mind there is never enough. Enough time, enough money, enough love. Which is all rooted in feeling like I'm not enough.

When I was a kid my brothers spent their money on hobbies and impulses and things they loved. Meanwhile my dollars accumulated in a purse shaped like an ice cream cone. Getting rid of even a dollar might leave me "short".

When I'm given a book to write or edit I get completely overwhelmed. How could 6 weeks possibly be enough time?

When I read Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages and discovered that my love language is quality time I finally understood my longing for attention from my loved ones. But Chapman didn't warn me that healthy boundaries and limits would be important. That needing time doesn't justify wanting ALL my partner's time. (Randy and I have had to navigate this, after going from spending 24/7 together in Spain to living across the country from one another to now sharing a home.)

But I don't serve a God of not enough. I serve a God of abundance. Prosperity. Exceeding and abundant, above and beyond. I serve a God who expects me to be generous and who wants me to trust Him for enough. Enough energy, enough love, enough time, and enough money to do all the things He has called me to do.

Since this discovery I have begun to pray daily that God would give me the faith and strength to trust Him for enough. Enough energy and focus to get my work done. Enough money to not only meet our needs but also to be able to be a cheerful giver. Enough time and love to appreciate the people He has placed in my world.

And even though we are still in process, I'm already feeling more relaxed and at peace, trusting that He wouldn't give me an assignment without giving me all the tools I need to accomplish it. And He wouldn't have given me life if, in His eyes, I wasn't enough.